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This being married thing, it can be intimidating you know? And that’s simply magnified if you’re getting out of debt.
There’s nothing like the person who literally sleeps, eats, changes, grooms {and a myriad of other unmentionable things} right next to you to both stretch your patience and at the same time hold a mirror up to your own imperfections.
Because I hate to burst your bubble, but you’re not perfect. And neither am I. And to get out of debt, you’re going to have to admit you’ve failed on some sort of level, whether it’s big or small.
The temptation when you’re married and digging your way out of debt is to play the comparison game, even when you’ve admitted that you’re not perfect.
Well I may have wracked up the credit card debt, but he pulled out the loan on the boat/car/motorcycle/tractor/flat screen tv/other mantoy.
I rarely spend money. She heads to Target like it’s her job on a daily basis.
Just knock it off already. While one of you most certainly is going to fall into the flagrant spender or Scrooge-like miser role {opposites do attract, just ask MC Skat Cat}, you both got into debt somehow. And now’s not the time to point fingers unless it’s pointing the direction out of this mess.
On the Dave Ramsey show a couple of weeks ago, the King of Free repeated a familiar mantra that we probably should have written on our doorposts at some point {I guess there’s always still time for that}.
“The death of communication is the birth of resentment.”
It’s rolled around in my head and my mouth so many times that I have to be careful that it doesn’t lose its meaning.
What you spend must be communicated to your spouse regularly.
You can’t over-communicate it.
For everyone it looks a wee bit different {and I know that we’re amped up and to the extreme, rock the mic like a vandal}. But for non-budgeted expenses {outside of gas and groceries and regular bills}, we communicated on even a measly $10 purchase before the transaction occurred. By the way, I’m not sure either of us ever weighed in with a “No, that’s not a purchase you should make” sort of judgement. However, there was no resentment when a pair of jeans or new tool came home {even if they were purchased on the clearance rack}. And there were no arched eyebrows. And there was no “wonder how much that cost us” looks of despair.
Instead there was joy for a needed purchase.
You see money and sex . . . they drive the human race crazy. And both rip a marriage apart at the seams and leave it in shreds. Leave your delusions of being perfect behind and start talking about every loving penny.
You won’t regret either.
