Frequently, I’m asked what I think is the most important lesson kids should learn about money. Usually parents are guessing my answer before a word jumps out of my mouth.
It’s the value of work, right?
That money doesn’t grow on trees?
Not to ever borrow?
Certainly all of the above are important but many of the lessons we need to learn about money occur before we even have a concept of what it is to give, save, or spend. In fact, even if your child isn’t speaking yet, you can begin instilling very valuable lessons about money. Want to have a money savvy kid who is filled with gratitude, wise when it comes to making personal choices, and more successful than you have been with personal finance? Here’s my secret of the universe . . . the very first lesson for kids to learn about money requires you to make your child ask questions when they want something.
I know, I know. It seems way too simplified. But as your child begins to develop their language skills (and even before), require them to ask a full question before you give them anything. A question framed like these: “May I please have a ___________?” or “May I please be excused?” or “May I please watch ____________?” is the first step in helping your child learn a number of things about money.
- You have not dropped from the sky to grant their every wish. Neither has anyone else. “You give me a cookie!” sounds so cute in toddler babble. But when your child is 17 it translates to “You give me a car!” Asking a question still has limitations but requiring a polite request from your child even when they are small, lays the foundations of both gratitude and the realization that demanding items does not yield a result.
- You are the parent. Have you ever been in someone’s home whose kids obviously rule the roost? Sure, the parents pay the mortgage and drive the carpool, but it’s pretty obvious who is in charge. Everyday, I pray that we don’t fall into the oh-so-easy trap of letting our girls take leadership in our home. Don’t get me wrong, they are ridiculously awesome humans. However, they don’t have the experience or wisdom to call the shots just yet. We’ve been entrusted with them and it’s our job to guide them, not the other way around. The principle then follows that we do everything we can to help them make them make wise choices about their resources, time, and talent. They have a voice in our home but their final decision is never theirs.
- Asking questions leads to an opportunity for blessing. Not every question is answered with a no in our home. Not every snack request is given an affirmative either. But the practice of politely asking questions leads to a great opportunity for discussion about not always being able to get what we want and why. Obviously, a three-year-old isn’t interested in a 45 minute lecture on why that particular sucker will cause tooth decay leading to a hefty dental bill and a lifetime of orthodontic problems. So keep the conversation age appropriate. Bonus: when your child asks a polite question and you get to say yes, you’re given the gift of blessing them. Take a moment to tell your child how awesome it feels to bless them. They need to know that you actually enjoy caring for them.
We taught both girls the sign for please at about ten months old. Each food request, each puzzle, each game, each book – they all required the sign for please. Comic aside: When the Princess Eldest didn’t get what she wanted, she would sign and shout “PLEASE!” at the same time just in case you were deaf and blind.
Can I be honest? Even after years of practice, I still struggle with remembering to require my kids to ask a question when they want something, especially at dinnertime. It takes intentionality and discipline to return to the same practice over and over again. Sometimes, it’s easier for me to just get another glass of water or cookie or turn on the TV when someone says “I need a drink.” or “I want to watch Frozen.” (AGAIN)
I know it’s worth it and I know that we’re doing more than teaching mere politeness when we require questions in our home. We’re imparting the very first lessons about what it means to handle our blessings and our resources. Those early money manners lessons might not translate to immediate practices of giving and saving and spending well; however, in the long run, they will foster lifelong practices of gratitude and leadership in our daughters. Those practices will feed into how they embrace life and how they handle money.
Gain inspiration to pay off debt! Check out Inspiration to Pay Off Debt: 30 Days of Encouragement from the Queen of Free
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Great post and good points! Just pinned this on Pinterest. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks so much! Blessings on your journey.
This is a wonderful post. Kids are so much more of a blessing to be around when they are polite, aren’t they? “May I…” is a wonderful way to phrase any request!