Money fights cause big problems when it comes to marriage. In fact, finances are the leading cause of stress in relationships. Couples struggle to share the burden of managing a household budget. Some even hide purchases and debt from one another. If you and your spouse fall into this category, you’re not alone.
Sharing finances is challenging for every married couple. It’s for this reason, we’ve written a new book releasing in September – Your Money, Your Marriage: The Secrets to Smart Finance, Spicy Romance, and Their Intimate Connection. The book focuses on a concept we’ve dubbed Financial Foreplay – the idea that when you manage money well together, it grows intimacy in other areas of your relationship, too. Each chapter focuses on a key area where most couples struggle – including but not limited to organization, conflict, communication, and leading a family together.
My husband Brian and I wrote this book together. We felt like it was important for you to hear both of our voices – as a husband and a wife who’ve lived this stuff together. So you’ll read sections penned by Brian and some written by me. We share stories (we’re guessing you’re going to laugh a little) as well as the strategies we used to keep our marriage healthy while paying off over $127k in debt.
If you’re looking for a starting point of how to get on the same page with money when it comes to your significant other, consider the following ideas.
Look in the Mirror
This one is a little bit painful. Not many of us want to identify our own poor choices or problems. We often default to seeing what’s wrong with our spouse instead of ways we might have messed up. Before you open a discussion with your husband or wife, do some honest introspection and look through your own personal finance habits.
Move First
Don’t wait for your spouse to get their act cleaned up or even to have a unified plan when it comes to money. Begin with changing your own relationship toward money. For us, Brian began by putting his credit card in a desk drawer long before we ever began the process of paying off debt. After a month, I placed my card in the desk next to his. If he wasn’t going to use credit, neither was I. Here are a few other ideas of what you can do to “move first.”
- Quit buying your daily or weekly latte.
- Cancel an online service or subscription that only you use.
- Look for a second job to add income to your household.
Be Considerate
The words you use matter. When you speak to your spouse about money, use kindness. No one ever responds well to harsh words or manipulation. These actions will demonstrate consideration.
- Turn off your cell phones, TV, and anything else that might distract you.
- Share a snack together before you talk about money.
- Timing is crucial. You’ll never set financial goals well in the middle of a fight. Wait until things cool off to have a serious discussion.
- Invest in your spouse. Show how much you care about your spouse by investing in their dreams, health, and well being.
Learn Together
The more we understand a concept or shared goal, the better we function as individuals and a couple. For this reason, it’s a great idea to learn together. When it comes to money and marriage, consider these strategies.
- Read a book together. This new book might be a great one for you! After all, it focuses on money and sex. But there are plenty of fantastic personal finance reads to expand your understanding.
- Take a class together. You don’t have to go back to college but a course like Financial Peace University puts you in the same place at the same time, thinking about the same things.
- Learn online. Use podcasts and or even Facebook Channels (we love Two Cents from PBS!) to learn without reading.
Dream Big
Dreams motivate and shape our future. Rather than focusing on negative behavior, choose to center your financial future on shared dreams. If you didn’t have debt or money problems, what would you do? Would you travel? Buy a new home? Save for your children’s future? Give money to worthy causes? Dreaming big together unifies both your hearts and your finances.
It’s time to move from old patterns of behavior and into what your marriage was meant to be – a beautiful union when it comes to both sex and money. Don’t put off today what could lead to an amazing transformation for your financial future as a couple.
Your Money, Your Marriage releases September 25th from Zondervan Harper Collins Christian and is already available for pre-sale now everywhere books are sold.
My book is now available: Slaying the Debt Dragon: How One Family Conquered Their Money Monster and Found an Inspired Happily Ever After. You can also check out The Debt Free Devotional
This post contains an affiliate link. That means when you get a great deal, learn about a way to save, or maybe even something for free, I may end up making a small commission.
