As sure as the summer sun fills the sky, the Saturdays in June, July, and August will be filled with wedding bells. Young brides and grooms captured by love with stars in their eyes, practically run down the aisle toward one another. Their lives are packed with promise and hope, but the odds are stacked against many couples. Learning how to share a life can be challenging. If you are getting married this summer or know someone who is, consider encouraging them to begin practicing these principles as soon as possible.
Spend More Time on the Marriage Than The Wedding
The dress, the hair, the nails, the centerpieces, the cake, the tuxes, the venue . . . planning a wedding involves so many working parts. Don’t even get me started on how expensive the whole pursuit of matrimony can be. Early on in our engagement, a couple passed a piece of wisdom on to us that we’ve recycled to countless couples since. “Spend more time concentrating on your marriage than your wedding.” The simple adage means that brides and grooms should prepare more for the actual marriage than they do the service and celebration at the commencement of their marriage. From premarital counseling to having difficult conversations, the soon-to-be husband and wife should sink more time developing healthy habits and preparing for a relationship that will hopefully long outlive the single day festivities of a wedding.
Begin Budgeting Together
Money arguments rank among the leading causes for marital stress and divorce. Often couples clash over finances due to a lack of communication. The earlier married men and women can begin budgeting together, the better. From discussions of shared financial goals to realistic limits in categories of spending, newlyweds or those getting ready to say “I do” must begin their journey together by getting on the same page. Whether you choose to work through a book or online resource or talk to a trusted friend or counselor, seek out some outside help to begin with and then formulate a plan you can both be excited about. If you have no idea where to begin, I offer a number of free printable budget forms on Queen of Free. If you need to purchase a wedding gift this summer, skip the crystal vase and buy resources to help the lucky couple begin their journey together on a solid financial foundation. It just might be the most very useful gift they receive.
Register With Wisdom
I remember it like yesterday. My dashing fiancé and I whipped through the store aisles with one of those scanners like it was a laser gun. We may or may not have actually put a giant Scooby Doo pillow on our registry. Thankfully, no one bought it for us. If you know a young couple who is beginning the daunting task of registering for wedding gifts, give them some wisdom about items that have been beneficial and guidance on what traditional gifts or household items can be skipped. If you’re to marry and have not yet registered, ask a married couple of many years which gifts they were most grateful they received and what they wish they would have had starting out. Think outside of the box. While the china place settings are lovely, you’ll more than likely not pull them out very often. The fancy linens, expensive decor, and high priced power tools might not be your best bet either. Be sure you seek wisdom and register for the items you really need that will last the longest.
Resource Those You Love
Maybe your newlywed days are long over. You’ve navigated the tricky waters of learning to live together, budget together, spend together, and save together. But you know someone else beginning the path to marital bliss. What’s the best way for you to help them avoid the mistakes you’ve made and begin their journey on solid footing? Resource them! Slaying the Debt Dragon contains some of the things we learned about marriage while paying off over $127K in debt, but there are books, courses, and more that you could guide a young couple toward. It’s OK to buy the blender (just not the Scooby Doo pillow), but why not give resources, too. Your gift could make a marriage happier and stronger.
Invest in Those You Love
Take buying a book as a gift one step further and choose to invest in a young couple. Have them over for dinner. Read that book with them and discuss it. Eat ice cream together. Share your struggles and your victories. Ask the young couple kind, but direct questions about how they plan to manage money and their household. Tell them what they should be sure to register for and what they can skip. Be sure you have a strong enough relationship with them to begin the process and do everything in love, not manipulation or under the auspices of control.
Beginning a life together in marriage is exciting. For those of us who have been married for many years, it’s a period of time when we look back with fondness filling with joy over the newness and the hopeful anticipation of the years to come. Focus on the essentials in your relationship to make your union last for decades to come.
My book is now available: Slaying the Debt Dragon: How One Family Conquered Their Money Monster and Found an Inspired Happily Ever After. You can also check out The Debt Free Devotional on Kindle.
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