Money fights rank among the top causes for divorce. And while we never had any knock-down, drag outs about cash before we paid off $127K+, we had a whole lot of passive aggressiveness in our marriage. But I promise you, you can keep your marriage healthy while paying off debt. It might not even be as difficult as you think. A hot marriage begins with a balanced checkbook, not in a raucous bedroom.
Put the Kids to Bed on Time Each Night
You might not have a big date night budget, but you can have intentional time with your spouse on a regular basis. In fact, you’ll need it. It takes some extra effort but establish a family time clock that includes prompt and regular routines to safeguard that evening time.
Move Together
Exercise has been a big part of our story. You have to encourage your spouse and be on the move either together or individually. So help make time for it, encourage your spouse to find regular physical activity that they love, and make it easier for each other with no guilt trips and leading by example. Your minds and bodies will thank you for it.
Share What You’re Reading
You must, must, must have outside inspiration. I can’t underplay the role that reading good books and listening to good podcasts has had on our journey. We tend not to read or listen to the same things but we always benefit from hearing what the other has learned and been inspired by.
Talk About Your Finances
This is kind of duh-huh, but you need to meet regularly to discuss budgets, unexpected expenses, and upcoming challenges on a regular basis. You also need to talk about purchases before you make them. Keep in mind that we’re intense, but we tend to chat on individual purchases that are not regular expenses of $10 or more. Remember: a hot marriage begins with a balanced checkbook not in a raucous bedroom.
Dream Big
It’s important to talk about your goals on the other side of paying off debt regularly and with great gusto. It helps keep your eyes on the prize of the “why” of what you’re doing. For us this has included everything from chatting about what we might purchase {or need to purchase}, where we might go, and of course how we’re going to give more and save more in a few short months.
Remember Your Vows
Always, always, always keep in mind that he or she chose YOU! They are not out to get you, to ruin your life, to make you miserable. You are on a team together and most of all, you L-O-V-E each other. It’s easy to begin to think that you’re contributing more to the battle than your spouse. It’s easy to let division slip into your marriage. It’s hard to be forgiving and come back to the realization that you walked down the aisle for a reason.
We dream of the day of having fights with money, not about money (I kid!). What are your best tips for money and marriage?
Gain inspiration to pay off debt! Check out Inspiration to Pay Off Debt: 30 Days of Encouragement from the Queen of Free
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[…] Unfortunately, the majority of couples who e-mail me struggling with money problems in their marriages see the conflict through a negative lens. One spouse typically is at his or her wits end with the other and wants to know how to “fix” the problem (ahem, the problem being the person they made sacred vows to on their wedding day). This adversarial approach rarely yields positive results. If you continue to view money as a me vs. my spouse issue, you will not only drive yourself crazy but you’ll begin to unwittingly place a wedge in between the both of you. While there is always work to be done when it comes to organizing monthly finances, it doesn’t have to be wearisome drudgery. Especially if you have a spouse who is resistant to change or budgeting, begin with the positive outcomes you’d like to achieve. Brainstorm what you will do or where you will go someday when you’re out of debt. Dream up an audacious savings goal and then get creative together on how to attain it. Begin with the end in mind. You’ll find shared vision not only consolidates your aims, it also captivates your hearts – together. Dreaming was essential in our journey of paying off over $127K in debt. Read five more ways we intentionally kept our marriage healthy while paying off debt. […]