Long ago and far away, when I wasn’t a Queen but a mere maid, a nonchalant action predicted the future. You see, the jewels were a glint out in the future and I had just met my handsome knight in shining armor, the King of Free. This nonchalant action seemed so natural, the furthest from premeditated and yet it had a crucial role in our debt slaying journey.
In fact we were only on our second date. Being the gentleman that he was, we hadn’t had any physical contact, not even an elementary school styled hand holding. We agreed to meet at a local movie theater to catch a flick {Ever After was suitable for the future Royal Couple, don’t you think?}. In a moment that he barely remembers, as we walked into the theater, he put his hand in the small of my back and led me to our seats. It felt like he had done it one thousand times before.
Funny, it doesn’t seem like that big of an action and yet it was more than crucial and sent both chills down my spine and a message to my brain that this young man was different. You see, he was leading me.
But he wasn’t leading me with a push. He didn’t demand with his words. His touch was gentle and I could have easily broken away if I so desired. He didn’t force me into a seat. He didn’t say, “Sit down woman, and like it!” Nope, he just gently and quietly but still strongly led me to our destination.
Flash forward 7 or 8 years and it was he who first began suggesting that we begin our debt slaying journey. And he did so in a similar style of leadership. It wasn’t a barked order that I could love or leave. It wasn’t a push into something I didn’t understand or desire. It was a gentle hand in the small of my back.
Would you read this book?
Could we talk about our finances?
What would we do if we didn’t have to worry about payments?
How could having extra money to give change our world and the world around us?
Steadily and surely he led our family toward the path of freedom. He didn’t force us out of debt. He didn’t will us out of debt. He didn’t shove us out of debt. He led with humility and hard work. He led with an amazing example and kind words. He led with the willingness to listen and take feedback. He led with creativity and an eye to where we excelled and where we could improve.
All the while, his hand was there reassuring me that we would be ok, that this path led to freedom, and that the joy tomorrow would be worth the sacrifice today. Willingness to actually lead {not shove} and be led {not be pulled along} are crucial keys for married couples getting out of debt. At times, each of you will exhibit both strengths and weaknesses that neither of you knew you had. Sometimes, leading the battle rotates as one of you tires from the daily struggle. What’s essential is that neither of you pushes or pushes back but works together in a seamless and seemingly nonchalant manner.
I still get chills when he puts his hand in the small of my back.
Great website. Just found it today. Loved this article. I plant to read the whole blog and buy the book soon.
We are in fine-tuning mode at my house. We have good jobs. We have a plan in place for eliminating our debt but I’ve decided over the past few days to do a “budget tune-up”. By that I mean re-examining what we are spending our money on. If our family budget was twenty-five dollars, then let’s re-examine where each of those twenty-five dollars go each year and make sure we aren’t overlooking some potential savings.
I suspect we can reduce our spending a bit by cutting out the dollar and dime spending we are probably doing without cutting into our lifestyle much. We’re already doing alot of “right” (for us) things. No cable TV. We already drive an ancient but reliable and presentable and much loved old CR-V nearing 300K miles. We don’t have one or more expensive cellphone contracts. We car pool all the time. We do all of our own maintenance and repairs on the cars and our home. Our commute is short.
I suspect the savings can be found in how we shop for groceries and the cost of feeding ourselves.
I’ll be reading your website and see if what you do can apply to what we do. Thanks!