Dear Evil Sorceress Sallie Mae,
You’ve lived with us for a very long time.
You were there when we got engaged. You were there when we graduated from college. You stood up with us at the wedding (no one invited you to do that).
You came along on the honeymoon (that was totally awkward) over 12 years ago. You dwelled in our first two apartments, keeping us from truly ever having any time alone as newlyweds. You were there for the birth of the Eldest Princess and kept us from loving her in the ways we wanted to love her (and pay for her hospital bills as quickly as we would have liked, too).
You’ve taken up more than your fair share of space around our small but sweet castle for the past 8.5 years. Everywhere we have ever lived, you have always packed a large bag and tagged along. At times, you made it nearly impossible for the Princesses to play because of your large stature.
You kept us from doing things that we longed to do – saving for retirement, starting college funds, giving when we saw a need, having regular date nights, going on vacation, and even buying things we needed (Have you seen our towels lately? Holy holey, Batman.).
Nearly four years ago (April 2nd, 2008) right after the Youngest Princess was born, your vacant ugly stare came at us in the form of a very large number – over $80K. We wanted you gone. But, you were SO huge that we had no idea where to begin (luckily, someone had a few great tips). Your younger and much thinner sister Nelnet was one of the first to receive her eviction notice in July of 2008. Your cousins, Medical Debt, Car Loan Debt, Furniture Loan Debt, Small Loan Debt, and Credit Card Debt all followed suit thereafter. Since February of 2010 we have watched you – and you alone – slowly but surely dwindle. Now, you number only four digits instead of six and by our best estimates, in about four months, you’ll need to leave our house -
You are certainly not welcomed back. Ever. Consider yourself forewarned. You have more than overstayed your welcome.
And you will never plant your evil claws into our sweet two little girls. Their college will be financed by your arch nemesis – the heroic and oh so brave CA$H.
The King of Free called you last week. He wanted to know if we could make our final installment in person in a few short months. You were so cowardly that you refused. Just so you know, we were going to make it rain dollar bills in your lobby. Your loss.
Instead we’ll deliver a final blow via the internet but it won’t be any less sweet. You’re still going to get yours.
Your days are numbered.
Pack your bags.
Say your prayers.
We’re coming for you.
The King and Queen of Free
Royal Update: GOOD NEWS! On March 28th, 2012 we sent Sallie Mae Packing forever. If you’re finding us for the first time through this post, you can watch us make our final payment here: A Royal Announcement . . .. Gain all sorts of inspiration in your debt slaying journey by reading these posts or checking out the Top Posts on Queen of Free. Welcome to your financial happily ever after.
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